Sunday, November 15, 2009

Surviving 2012 in 12 Easy Steps

By now, no doubt, you've heard that the world is coming to an end in the year 2012 or maybe not.

"The forecast is based primarily on what is said to be the end-date of the Mayan Long Count calendar, which is presented as lasting 5,125 years and as terminating on December 21 or 23, 2012."

So Where's the Playboy 4012 Calendar?
Great metaphysical and cosmological significance is placed on the fact that the Mayan calendar supposedly ended on that date, but tell me how many calendars for any year 2000 years in our future have we printed up? Maybe the Mayans figured they had plenty of time to get around to finishing the job later?

OK, so predictions or not you want to be prepared anyway, just in case. Good for you !

After all the Earth could become the victim of a strike by a large asteroid at any moment. Or a regional Thermonuclear War could break out and spread à la WWI.
Or maybe the whole world could be invited to a surprise party à la December 7th, 1941.
Or you could get all shook up an earthquake à la the 1994 Northridge quake.
Or terrorists could set off a dirty bomb in a major industrial or population center.
Then there's the ever popular national or international depression, pandemic or economic collapse (à la the USA in 1929, Spanish Flu in 1918 or Argentina in 2001) that cripples governments and leaves you largely on your own. So, yeah 2012 or not, you've got reasons to prepare so let's get started.

First, unless you have reliable information that makes you believe your house is located at ground zero you'll probably want to stay home and watch the whole thing on TV, Twitter, MySpace or Facebook after all, when something like that's happening it's much better to watch events unfold on FOXNews than to be on FOXNews. Right?

Second, having decided to skip the tailgate party in favor of watching from home you'll need refreshments. About a weeks worth, maybe a months worth of canned goods should stand you in good stead for your average WTSHTF (When The $#!t Hits The Fan) crisis. Of course if 2012 turns out to be TEOTWAWKI (The End Of The World As We Know It) you may want to increase those canned goods. Buy foods you like, store them in a cool dry place, and watch the expiration dates on the cans. The whole thing can be a money saver for you if you buy by the case at one of the big box stores like Costco or Sam's and rotate the food eating the oldest cans first. Oh, and if the power goes out, it's easier to open cans with a manual can opener than your teeth.

Thirdly you'll want something to drink while all this is going on and here's where our sports party analogy gets all wet because instead of beer you'll want water for this one. Trust me. Water, about one gallon per person per day for drinking and cooking is the minimum you'll need if the catastrophe knocks out your water supply. How many gallons you keep on hand is up to you. If the earthquake or nuclear seismic shock hasn't broken the water mains you can use that water for washing and flushing.

Fourth if this whole 2012 End of the World thing turns out to be a home game you'll want to dress to egress. If you have to head for the hills you'll want to blend in with the other refugees. Hawaiian shirt and Bermuda shorts in late December? What were you thinking? You should have a GOOD (Get Out Of Dodge) bag packed for each member of the family with warm (for your climate) clothes in it.

In the winter of 2012 a well dressed refugee will want to wear (or at least have) a Tuque or watch cap, wool sweater, wind breaker or rain jacket, wool socks and hiking boots or walking shoes.

Fifth, whether you make like the good shepherd and get the flock out of town or dig in for the duration of whatever comes (or doesn't) in 2012 you may want to have some trading goods on hand. If 2012 brings severe disruptions in the distribution system things like gold, silver and toilet paper may be very much in demand. A fifth of booze or a bottle of medicine could be worth their weight in gold.

A six pack of beer falls into the same category as a fifth of booze, but takes up more space and doesn't store well long term so think in terms of small, inexpensive (now) things that store well if you decide to become a catastrophe entrepreneur.

Seven You can't eat a gun, but a guy with a gun can get pretty much all the food he wants from a guy who has food but no gun. Speaking of life as we know it now; John Connor once said: "When seconds mean life or death the police are only minutes away." If 2012 turns out to be all that the alarmists claim it will be then that little homily will become: "When seconds mean life or death you are the police." Got gun?

Our eighth easy step to survive 2012 is to know the password or in this case the pass phrase which is: "I'm just passing through." The media like to make a big deal of the neighbors helping neighbors in a crunch scenario, but if you study the record closely you'll find that outsiders often don't receive nearly as nice a welcome.

If TEOTWAWKI (The End Of The World As We Know It) comes and everybody knows government help (and law enforcement) aren't coming you can expect the locals to be a whole lot less accommodating to refugees coming to consume their finite resources. How then will you travel to your sanctuary in the woods? Use an old trick hippies used to get through hostile small towns. The locals didn't want the hippies, but they didn't want trouble either so savvy hippies made it a point to announce their destination was somewhere else and they were just passing through. Make it believable, give a specific goal; somewhere off in the general direction of where you want to go. That reassuring message, and any news you may be bringing should help you through checkpoints and barricades.

Ninth: Knowledge is power. Have a portable radio that can be powered by battery, solar or hand crank like the Solar Shortwave Dynamo Flashlight AM/FM/TV Emergency Radio with 6 Way Power Supply that can receive AM, FM & Short Wave signals. If the crisis turns out to be only a WTSHTF (When The $#!t Hits The Fan) event which disables only local utilities and government (i.e. help is on the way) the AM & FM bands will help you keep informed of (at least) the official report of the situation. If the crisis turns out to be truly TEOTWAWKI (The End Of The World As We Know It) in scope the short wave bands will provide information from sources like BBC World Service.

The tenth 2012 tip is: Don't go it alone. Whether it's WTSHTF or TEOTWAWKI the macho man tendency is to head for the hills, live off the land and civilization be damned, but the truth is that you can't surveil 360 degrees nor stay awake 24/7 so it makes sense to team up with trusted family/friends so as to divide rewards and responsibilities.

Our Eleventh easy step to surviving 2012 is efficiency. Humans didn't evolve to our present place on top of the food chain by being inefficient. All of the steps you take to stave off 2012 will come in handy for any old crisis, catastrophe, calamity or disaster if the end of the world doesn't come about in the manner those soothsayers say it will

Our twelfth easy step to surviving 2012 is to keep in mind that no one knows what's going to happen in the year 2012, least of all those who claim to know what's going to happen in the year 2012. True we've had a couple million years of earthquakes, volcanoes, hurricanes, floods and tornados so it's a good idea to be prepared for stuff like that anyway.

Plus in our own short time on Earth we humans have added our own technological four horsemen of the Apocalypse: Biological warfare (germs), Chemical warfare (gas), Nuclear warfare (mushroom clouds) and Radiological warfare (dirty bombs) Of course, I left out mankind's old fashioned favorite plain old war (Cain's murder weapon through broadswords, bayonets & bombs to lasers and laser guided bombs) in the interest of brevity. So your 2012 preparations will stand you in good stead if those eventualities come to pass.

But past performance is no guarantee of future results so in 2012 we may well be invaded by little green zombie ninjas in flying saucers so keep that light saber lightly oiled and handy!

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